Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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