hell yes lets make some ravioli
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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