tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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