My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
