some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
