Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
