dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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