I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
