i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
