i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
