My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
