I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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