meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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