I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
