i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
