The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
