She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
