You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
