Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
