you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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