thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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