Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
