my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
