Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need a beard to bite.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
