mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
