Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would fuck him just for his dog
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
