Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
