Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We left the knife in your bed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
