guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
