Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
