I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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