Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
