i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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