im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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