Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
