So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
