It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
