If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
