I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
