I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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