im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
