a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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