I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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