I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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