For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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