Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
