Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I stole a fireplace last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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