Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
