I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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