Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
